Saturday, November 18, 2006

Anyone have a soapbox?

I realize that some of y'all don't know me very well. I want to make a very personal post about myself, but I need to address some basic things first:

1. I am offensive in a variety of ways. It's worse in person, but I want y'all to know that I may, at times, go off on a really offensive rant about something. Or get really excited and say "FUCK" or "Goddamn" or "holy shit" excessively. Or any number of other things. I have been feeling like I censor myself on this blog too much. There are things I don't say after getting nasty emails about being offensive. Or things I don't say because I don't want to offend friends that may read this. This is exactly why I don't use MySpace - too many old old friends on there that I might offend. I'm not going to worry about it too much anymore. I'm fucking sick of censoring myself on my personal journal.

No topic is sacred to me, so if you ever read something you're offended by, I want you to count to 10 while taking deep breaths, and walk away from the computer for 15 minutes before you send me a hateful email or leave a hurtful comment. The internet does not exempt people from having feelings, and it is YOUR CHOICE to read my blog.

2. I've got a lot going on right now, so I've not been posting much. This is self explanatory.

3. I'm really torn in two directions about some personal issues. And it's all I think about.

4. I knit. And then I forget to take pictures of my knitting and post them.

5. This is my bad time of year. I always get really depressed and antisocial in winter, particularly around the holidays. I hate Christmas, I don't like Thanksgiving. I enjoy New Year's when I get to go out, and I love my birthday, but no one remembers it or wants to do anything with me so I get depressed.

The depression and anxiety and everything else makes me not want to post. I'm sorry.

I'll let that sink in for a bit, and then I'll talk about some more of my issues. I can't afford a counsellor anymore, so y'all are it. Sorry. Like I said before, no one's making you read this.

3 comments:

Lana said...

I can identify. The holiday season makes me moody and stressed too. I hate this time of year with a passion.

It's okay...you would not offend me. I am the same way. Although, I do curb myself on my blog a lot. I say "fuck," etc often. LOL!

I hope whatever in life is getting to you...works out. HUGS!

Polly said...

Sometimes I wish that my blog wasn't knitting because I feel like I have more sensitive eyes with them. Bottom line it's your blog- say whatever you want and if some narrow minded blowhard can't resist sending you an email to complain about you saying what you want on your space.. fuck 'em. Think about what a frustrating little life they must live that they feel compelled to address everyone that has a different opinion. I know I would go insane.

Suna said...

I have also gotten to the point that I don't want to blog about knitting. It is just the thing I do when I am not doing anything else (i.e., all my leisure time).

I went through a long time where I had to censor myself a lot due to people from the organization I worked for reading my comments and reporting them to others. Then, someone reading my blog complained to the damned knitting store owner that I sounded too depressed in my blog, like that would make me a bad teacher.

I do wish I could be little miss sunshine 24/7 like some folks I know, but I am a PISCES!!! We are MOODY!!

I really feel that anyone ought to be able to express their opinion on their own blog, for heaven's sake. That is what a blog is FOR. Expressing yourself. Of course, others are welcome to comment, but one can always comment politely or just refrain. I know I have refrained a couple of times when a friend has said something I just don't agree with (not you, Tina dear).

So, I am moody, I go on and on about my latest crazes and obsessions (and yes, currently I am obsessed with a PERSON, so deal with it).

Curse away, and know you have that old person you know that you can also talk to in real life, any time. And curse in front of.

Your effing good friend,

suna

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