Thursday, July 24, 2003

A Few Thoughts on Hugs.

I used to hug all of my friends. Every time I saw them. At show, at school, at their houses, wherever. Now I'm starting to think that I was a better person then, went I went to punk and ska shows, and dyed my hair awesome colors, and didn't have to worry about car payments, or insurance, or work, or anything beyond how to get 5$ for the next show and when the next time i got to see Five Iron would be.

I was happier, nicer, more care-free. I gave hugs. To everyone. People I met for the first time got a hug and a made-up name, not a forced smile and possibly a handshake. I was enthusiastic about life. There was a boy I liked, that I wish was still my friend. I went to church. (My beliefs didn't change any later on, by the way, I just stopped going to church.) I had a zest for life that I lack now, and I enjoyed "stalking" a boy who I now know was Adam. I actually wrote deep thoughts in my journal, and I kept an art diary, and I kept a prayer diary.

I want to know what is missing from my life now. I have few good friends, and none other than Adam that I can call my best friend. I miss that more than anyone can know. I miss having a close girlfriend. Sometimes, the lack of one makes me cry. I miss hugs, from anyone. The only person outside of family that gets hugged by me anymore is Adam, or, very rarely, Alison. Unless one of the kids from work injures me and hugs me to make up for it, which happens about once a month. So, yeah. If you see me, give me a hug. I won't protest. I will, in fact, love it. And you. Dearly.

Oh, and pictures of the exploration described in the last post are here.