Monday, June 30, 2003

Coconut and Chocolate Milkshakes

I miss solitude. I love my friends, but I'm just around them way too much. I thoroughly miss hanging out in Adam's room, being left alone, watching anything I wanted without thinking what someone would think if they knew I was watching Mermaid Forest and eating Creme Savers Soft Candy, or listening to Tenacious D and playing emulators and roms on Dreamcast. Because, for some reason, I don't feel comfortable doing things like that around my friends. But I feel that they aren't my good friends. Not the best friends I could have. Good friends, but not the best. Not how I would imagine my perfect friends being. I want friends I can talk philosophy and literature and history and current events with, not just friends to talk about computers and games and Loveline with. While I love talking to and being with those guys, I miss having intellectual friends.

You wonderful, brilliant people. Where are you? Why don't you spend more time with me? I hunger for your acceptance, your company, yet I am constantly denied it.

Back to my friends. I think it would be good for my mentality to get away for a while. And while everyone thinks I haven't been too stressed out at everyone, I have been, but I've tried to keep calm about it. Everyone kind of wears on my nerves after a while, and it's more than I can take sometimes. Just, after being in almost constant contact with all of the, three or four of them I don't even like, for about a month, I just want to kill them, no matter how much I love them all.