Monday, June 30, 2003

Coconut and Chocolate Milkshakes

I miss solitude. I love my friends, but I'm just around them way too much. I thoroughly miss hanging out in Adam's room, being left alone, watching anything I wanted without thinking what someone would think if they knew I was watching Mermaid Forest and eating Creme Savers Soft Candy, or listening to Tenacious D and playing emulators and roms on Dreamcast. Because, for some reason, I don't feel comfortable doing things like that around my friends. But I feel that they aren't my good friends. Not the best friends I could have. Good friends, but not the best. Not how I would imagine my perfect friends being. I want friends I can talk philosophy and literature and history and current events with, not just friends to talk about computers and games and Loveline with. While I love talking to and being with those guys, I miss having intellectual friends.

You wonderful, brilliant people. Where are you? Why don't you spend more time with me? I hunger for your acceptance, your company, yet I am constantly denied it.

Back to my friends. I think it would be good for my mentality to get away for a while. And while everyone thinks I haven't been too stressed out at everyone, I have been, but I've tried to keep calm about it. Everyone kind of wears on my nerves after a while, and it's more than I can take sometimes. Just, after being in almost constant contact with all of the, three or four of them I don't even like, for about a month, I just want to kill them, no matter how much I love them all.

Friday, June 27, 2003

Putting Faith in the Human Race Again

Today was an excellent day. I found out that I got an interview at Bank of Oklahoma. That started my day off so well. And then I picked Adam's little brother up from school, and we actually had a pretty good conversation about history and school, which is amazing, since we don't get along.

Then, after I dropped Rob off at home, came the most amazing part of my day, so far. I went to Starbucks, to get an Iced Caffe Mocha and read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and I got my drink, and sat outside, under the umbrella, taking advantage of the wonderful weather. About ten minutes later, a man that was maybe 23 came at sat at the table next to me. After a minute or so, I heard his lighter and noticed he was lighting a cigarette. I also noticed that his table didn't have an ashtray, and mine did, so I turned around and handed him mine. As I did this, I noticed that he was reading Ishmael, one of my favorite books ever. I mentioned something about it, and he said he only had about half a chapter left to finish, and we talked animatedly about that and other books we had both read, including The Handmaid's Tale, Brave New World, and Animal Farm, among others. We shared our opinions, and discussed the recurring themes in totalitarian societies. And it was amazing. I haven't had a conversation that good in a year and a half, and I loved every second of it. Periodically, he would stop reading to mention something he had just read, or I would stop to say something about my book, which he had read, and so have I, for that matter. But it was amazing. And tonight, Adam and I are going to dinner with his mom, where I expect more riviting conversation to take place. I wish I had more friends that read. Or that Jamie would talk to me more.